Sunday, October 26, 2014

101 Star Wars Variations 93: Lando's Empire

"I'm telling you, he was working with the Empire all along."

"I don't believe it.  He always said he was proud to keep the Empire out of his business."

"That's what they always say.  The whole thing was a con job."

"You're so cynical."

"I'm a realist.  I believe in things like the truth."

"You're a nutty conspiracy theorist."

"Maybe so, but this time I'm definitely right.  Lando Calrissian was an Imperial agent all along."

"Prove it.  But by all means, don't let the facts get in the way of your argument."

"Fine.  Bespin is the only world, the only world, that doesn't have an Imperial governor.  I know what you'll say.  It was established after the days of the Old Republic, and so never had a senator that needed to be replaced by a regional governor.  The Empire runs better than that.  It's a perfect bureaucratic machine.  Just like, I'll note for the record, Bespin.  Speculation, I know.  Forget that, then.  Why was Calrissian even giving Darth Vader the state visit treatment?  I know what you'll say again: out of fear.  But what did he have to fear?  You'd have to be a conspiracy nut to assume that the Empire would set up a permanent garrison just because Vader felt personally insulted.  It makes no sense otherwise.  It's not like we're a small operation.  We're a significant part of the galactic economy, which is no small fete in this age.  If you believe that it's because we're perfectly autonomous, then maybe I have some deals I want to make with you, if you know what I mean.  By every indication, Calrissian made every effort to accommodate Vader.  That's because he was working alongside him all along.  Face it, we're living by the Empire's rules and you don't even know it."

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Then you prove it."

"I don't have to.  You're insane.  You're clearly insane!"

"It would help your cause if you could maybe explain your reasoning."

"I don't have to!"

"Then you concede."

"I give up."

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