Thursday, August 15, 2013

Outliers - A Deep Space Nine Celebration, Part 2

(first appeared in "Emissary," first season)

Since this is strictly for the record, Jake, I will try to keep some of my more ingrained Ferengi instincts in check.  Soon I'm going to be joining Starfleet.  I'm sure my future professors don't want to know all about the Rules of Acquisition.

Although that's what I was doing before I came here, just like any good Ferengi youth.  My father was trying to reestablish himself after his messy and very costly divorce.  I don't think I ever told him, but I think that's the point where I decided I wouldn't be living the traditional virtues for much longer.  

I'm sure you remember all our schemes in the early days.  That was me trying my best to be the best Ferengi I could be.  They were quite a bit profitable, but the truth is, I did most of that because I was trying to impress my friend.  Even when we disagreed, and I called you an inflexible hew-mon, you had to understand that it wasn't really me speaking.  I know to everyone else it seems like I changed overnight recently, but that's not really how it went.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have more reports to write for Chief O'Brien.

(first appeared in "Emissary," first season)
[recording picks up background chatter from Rom's brother for most of this session, mostly punctuated by the phrase "Rom, you idiot," until finally, interviewer succeeds in getting himself and his subject alone]

Ahhh, I'm sorry.  My brother can be like that sometimes.

The truth is, he's very kind to me, but as the 6th Rule of Acquisition states, "Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity."  He's just being a good Ferengi.

I knew exactly what I was getting myself into.  I would never have come to the station if it hadn't been for him.

I keep forgetting that he's not in the room anymore.

I always intended to come to the station.  It was the reason why I signed that contract extension with Prinadora that led to my financial ruin.  Ahhh, I may not always seem so bright, but I'm very good at observing people.  I see how things work, which I guess is the reason why I eventually became an engineer, because machines don't yell at you.

I was always fixing things at home.  Ahhh, a Ferengi is always looking for an opportunity, and that's what I spent most of my time doing.  But I was really biding my time!  My own personal Rule of Acquisition goes like this: Always do what the client expects, until you can do something else.

[Quark reappears and Rom quickly beats a hasty exit; interviewer decides to move on]

(first appeared in "Emissary," first season)

That idiot brother of mine.  What was he telling you, the truth?  The truth is never good for business.  However, in this instance I'll make an exception.  This is strictly confidential, right?  You won't tell anyone what I'm about to say, hopefully for a good two decades, during which I can continue to make all the profit I can hustle while everyone still believes the great lie of my life?

I never cared for profit.  Oh sure, I'm as good as anyone at making it, but as a Ferengi, that's as much out of habit as nature.  I care about the people.  Don't look so surprised!  

I was an abject failure until I came here.  I try to lie about my life before the station, obscure the facts, which is what any reputable businessman would do, but the truth is, I needed an escape, and the greatest escape in the quadrant was on Terok Nor.  Who sets up shop in a Cardassian military instillation where mopy Bajorans and troublesome shape-shifters are the surest visitors besides its unhappy occupants?

Me, that's who.  What else is there to say?  Like everyone else who comes here, I was waiting to meet the people who would save me from my miserable existence.

If you tell anyone any of this anytime soon, I'll double your bill, even if you are the commander's son.

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