101 Star Wars Variations 74: Cool Hand Lando

A long time ago, Lando had a chance to offload one of the worst ships he'd ever seen on an unsuspecting friend, someone he hated, actually, a scumbag pirate named Han Solo.  Playing up his considerable charms and laying down the con, he thought he had it made.  But then he won the hand, kept the ship, and his life just kept getting worse.

One day he found himself on the desert world of Tatooine, and finding little resembling civilization, he holed himself in a cantina and proceeded to drink himself into heavy debt.  Thankfully he was smart enough to stay out of Hutt business, but that was about the best Lando could say about himself.

He began listening around as the dubious individuals who came to the establishment with its terribly chintzy music chattered about locals who wanted off this world, and could he blame them?  All he needed was a reason, something to give him a little hope.

Blundering his way through the rabble was a farmboy, who didn't seem liked he knew the difference between a hyperdrive and a cargo hold, but Lando suddenly realized this was exactly the opportunity he'd been waiting for.  The boy sounded panicked, making a poor effort at masking it, and desperate for any help.  Fortunately Lando was available to rescue him from his plight.

Before he knew it, though, the situation degenerated.  The boy and his passengers, an old man and two droids, had attracted Imperial trouble, something Lando had always been smart enough to stay away from, which meant their departure looked more like a hasty retreat, which was about as dignified as things had been going for him, so he didn't sweat it too much.  He decided to play it cool.  The old Lando was returning.

Worse came to worst, and Lando found himself challenging everything he'd ever thought about the galaxy.  Naturally, he became a hero.

101 Star Wars Variations 73: Mister Windu

Things would've been so different if his father had lived, even just a little longer.  His father wasn't just anyone, by the way, but Jedi Master Mace Windu.  When he was younger, Lando didn't mind people making the connection, but the older grew the more he realized he had to be more discreet about it, hence the adoption of his mother's maiden name and subsequent erasure of all public records to the contrary, the latter of which helped suggest the course his life was to take.

But he never forgot, and he never stopped trying to understand the life his father had led.  It was famously part of the Jedi code for love to be forbidden, which was to say romantic relationships instantly made impossible.  By all accounts that's exactly what Mace Windu did, too, except as one of the most powerful practitioners of the Force and second only to Yoda as the most significant member of the Jedi Order, there were ways around the rules and he knew all of them.  Lando figured he owed his business savvy to his father, too. 

The Calrissians were a respected family who had spread themselves across numerous worlds, to the point where they forgot which one was supposed to be home.  Lando's father met his wife on Coruscant, so that his bride was hidden in plain sight, and that was where Lando himself was born, so that he would always think of himself as a city-dweller above all else, an environment that was always good to him. 

When he discovered the circumstances surrounding his father's death, it instilled in Lando a certain amount of fear in risks, not small ones like the kind to be found among gamblers, but big ones, such as being concerned with matters of the Empire. 

The thing was, however, that Lando inherited his father's gift with the Force.  It certainly wasn't something he advertized, but a set of skills he dabbled in when he had the chance.  That was how and why he lost his ship to his pal Han Solo, because he knew it was needed elsewhere.  That was also how he ended up in Cloud City, because he knew he needed to be there.

There was a certain amount of cynicism that hindered Lando along the way, a lot of resentment that he had to work on over the years.  He felt abandoned, forsaken, connected to some parts of his inheritance but not others.  There were times he thought his father died a senseless death, and others a noble one.

At any rate, these were all reasons he fancied wearing a cape, too.

101 Star Wars Variations 72: Greedo's Shot

They're sitting there in the cantina, both drawing their weapons without the other realizing it, or perhaps knowing each other so well they expect exactly this from each other.  Does it matter, then, which of them shoots first?  Suffice to say, it's a lethal proposition, and they both know it, and it was a long time coming, story of their lives, not just because of what they did for a living and who they worked for, but because, well, they just don't like each other.

And at the end of it, Han Solo was dead and Greedo sat there, stunned that it had finally happened.  He'd finally bested his old rival.  As far as he could tell, Solo had misfired somehow, perhaps since Greedo had gotten his shot off first.  He thought momentarily that it was a tainted victory, but he was satisfied all the same.  He stood to get up, and realized his knees were giving out on him, whether a matter of age or nerves or the shock of the moment.

And then he realized he didn't know where he was going.  The funds would be transferred to his account as soon as the body was delivered, but suddenly that didn't seem like such an urgent matter.  He went to the bar to pay his tab, and he actually flipped the bartender enough to cover both their drinks.  "Sorry about the mess," he said as he turned, trying to play it cool, the way he imagined Solo might.  Truth was, he'd always admired the man, and in fact envied him.

Where was that ship of Solo's?  The thought came into Greedo's head completely unbidden.  Why did he even care?  Maybe he was looking to confiscate it?  Claim it as his own?  He found it in a hangar bay.  There were Stormtroopers crawling all about.  Now he was intrigued.  His old friend had been in serious trouble, it seemed.  He snuck around and entered through the top hatch, climbing upward and shaking his head as he went.  What are you thinking, Greedo?

Once aboard, he came across the Wookiee.  They knew each other well enough, had even worked together.  They both knew that this day had always threatened to happen, and Greedo once again felt a curious sensation in the pit of his stomach, something unsaid telling him that his life was in the process of changing forever.  He noted vaguely that there were passengers aboard.

"Punch it," he said as he settled into the cockpit.  It was crowded; he didn't acknowledge anyone else.  The only thought he had was of escape, now.  The Wookiee complied without comment.  It was the first time Greedo could remember that the Wookiee chose silence, probably out of respect for his old partner.  At least he knew where they were going.  Greedo was content to go for the ride.

When they reached the debris field, he became curious for the first time.  Everyone knew that these were the coordinates for Alderaan.  What had Solo been a part of?  The Rebellion, it occurred to him for the first time.  It reshaped the course of everything Greedo thought he knew.  He forgot about the money.  The Imperial space station pulled them in with a tractor beam, one of the passengers said, "I have a bad feeling about this," and a droid let loose some nervous chatter.  It was reaching the point where there was no turning back.

But Greedo had already made his decision.  He was going to resume Solo's life for him.

101 Star Wars Variations 71: Han Legion

"Now that it's all over, let me explain."

Luke was staring dumbfounded after Han stepped forward, at the end of the fight, when the Empire finally stood defeated, after they'd all left Endor, as Leia and other leaders of the Rebellion each turned to him in kind and began offering their profound gratitude. 

"I led the Rebellion.  It was no mistake that I was there on Tatooine that day.  The way Chewie played it, that was just Chewie being Chewie.  He still thinks of me as just a friend and partner.  He agreed to help transport you off the planet, but there was really no other option that day.  He was always skeptical of my other duties, thinks I'm suffering from, I don't know, delusions of grandeur or something.

"I took on the assignment of bringing you into the Rebellion personally.  It was Leia's idea, of course, her being your sister and all.  You had your father's last name.  You were the bait he couldn't refuse, and with him the Emperor.  Simple logic, really.  Everyone knew how serious we were about this plan because I undertook it personally.  I don't believe in modesty: you were always safe, pal.  I made sure of that.

"I mean, I was always there to watch your back, wasn't I?  I miraculously showed up so you could take the shot that destroyed the first Death Star.  My gamble at Cloud City put you at great risk, I admit now, but it all worked out.  It was exactly the thing you needed to realize your full potential.  I don't blame you if you start to get a little mad at me, by the way.

"It was a gamble that paid off, by the way.  Your father and the Emperor, they were obsessed with you from that moment on, and it was exactly the mistake we needed to set all our ducks in a row, as it were.  Eliminate them, eliminate the second Death Star, eliminate the Empire. 

"Need I even mention how-placed Lando was to assist in all of this?  I admit, I didn't think we could pull it off, and I feel sorry, I really do, in resorting to all that trickery to get the job done, but the less you knew the less the enemy knew, the easier to accomplish our goal.  And guess what, pal, we did!  We won.

"End of story, right?"

101 Star Wars Variations 70: Don't Get Cocky

He's still trying to rationalize what he did.  It's been years; in fact, a long time ago.  He's an old man.  History has forgotten him.  No one remembers him at all, in fact.  Even Lando, whom he tried to get a helping hand from not long after the signal event played out, turned him away.  "Not my problem," his old friend had said.

He lost everything because of it, just when it seemed like he had finally turned the corner, erased all his problems, earned a comfortable and lasting retirement.  "It's not my fault," he used to say, to anyone, everyone.  No one listened.  No one believed him.

In another lifetime, one he abandoned, one that never happened, when he showed up in the Falcon, he gave Luke all the clearance he needed to take the shot and destroy the Death Star, just in the nick of time.  They'd parted with the belief that he was certainly not going to return, that he was turning his back on the whole business.  But even before leaving he'd had second thoughts.

The thing is, it seemed like a good idea at the time.  And the other thing is, he realizes now that he was just being greedy.  That was the single thought that had come to possess him, all because of a stray transmission he picked up, an Imperial conversation he realized as taking place between Darth Vader and the Emperor.  One said to the other, Luke is more important than he seems; he's valuable in two ways: as a target that will need to be eliminated, or failing that a useful new recruit.

If he'd never intercepted the transmission...

But he can't think like that.  He did, and his first and only thought was that he could do it.  He could eliminate this threat.  He didn't care, at the time, about anyone or anything else but himself.  He certainly didn't take seriously any of that talk about the Force, which as far as he'd been concerned was just some hokey religion that belonged in the past.

In hindsight, when Luke's sister was asked to fulfill the role intended for him, and he realized who Luke's sister was, and another version of a life that would forever be denied him, a lover who would forever hate him...

He'd made a transmission of his own almost immediately.  He laid out his plan, why it was fool-proof, and demanded payment upfront.  It was granted without question. 

So he turned his ship around and headed back to the Death Star, and at the last possible moment was there to watch as Luke prepared to take his shot.  He took his shot, directly at Luke, who was gone in an instant.

And just like that, he became persona non grata.  He did receive his payment, but that was it.  The Empire denied any relationship with him.  The Rebellion considered him an enemy.  Thanks to Jabba, the Hutts cut him off from everything he had ever known, even with the debt settled.  One way or another, he had acquired a very bad name.  No amount of wealth could change that. 

The Empire lingered for a few years, and then finally collapsed on itself, died of its own accord.  The leaders of the Rebellion assumed control.  Luke's sister led a whole renaissance.  And suddenly he had nothing.

Now he wonders, is he delusional to think it could have played out differently?  Even if he hadn't...He tries not to think about it, he really does.  But it's very hard.  He'll always be known as the man who shot first.

101 Star Wars Variations 69: Nothing Personal

To him, this whole deal has become far more trouble than it was worth (although to be fair, it paid a considerable fortune, and would've solved the crisis at hand with Jabba).  First, it was obvious sooner than he would've liked that his passengers were on the run from the Empire (which he he has already reminded himself a dozen times as being the reason for the crisis with Jabba).  Second, their simple trip to Alderaan instead landed them within the heart of the Empire's new weapon, which is so massive he at first mistook it for a small moon.  Third, the princess annoys him a great deal.

Don't get Han Solo wrong.  He loves a good woman, but the princess was never what he had in mind.  All the trouble this deal has already caused him counts for nothing as soon as she enters the equation.  She makes a bad situation worse in an instant.  For all his years smuggling, he never thought it could be that easy.

They've just escaped a deathtrap, which she created.  The princess is distracted by the farmboy who is now the sole-remaining member of the passengers he took aboard, besides the old man who would've given the princess a run for her money if they had ever met.  It's all he can do to avoid rolling his eyes constantly during the whole ordeal.

Now he has a moment to think.  If they can even get off this space station, he's got to decide how much he'll help them.  He can do that, and then leave them far behind, which is an okay thought (will certainly help him bring the necessary funds to Jabba), or he can cut his losses.  Which is to say, get rid of the princess.

He opts for the latter.  He and Chewie spend some time running away from Stormtroopers, which presumably the princess and the farmboy are doing elsewhere.  There's no time to talk.  He doesn't concern himself with what his buddy will think about it anyway, not in this instance.  Besides, Chewie's clearly no friend of hers, either.

Incredibly, they manage to survive the next few minutes, and have found themselves back at the hangar bay where the Millennium Falcon awaits.  He sees the princess at a distance.  His fingers twitch on the Imperial blaster he's liberated along the way.

Hey!  As far as he's concerned, she feels the same way about him, right?  And the way things are going, will anyone even notice what happened?  It's either her or him.

Han shoots first.

101 Star Wars Variations 68: Luck Be a Lady

At the negotiations, Leia is quietly pulled aside by her advisers.

"We've got to consider another strategy," one of them says.

"Some way to make their side look less..." another begins.

"Pathetic," a third suggests.

"Yes, pathetic," the second agrees.

"The truth is, the Empire was embarrassed, and not only is it hard for them to get over that, but it's proving a tough sell to the general population as well," the first says.

"To put it simply: humiliating," the second says.

"Not because you're a woman or anything," the third again interjects.

"We need options," the first says.

"For instance, what if we say you weren't the one who blew up the Death Star?" the second says.  "While a prisoner.  Held captive by the Empire's two greatest assets, Tarkin and Vader.  While being interrogated."

"We were thinking perhaps a pair of accomplices at least," the first says.

"And a Wookiee," the third says.  He becomes aware that everyone is staring at him.  "I always liked Wookiees, is all."

"I don't know..." Leia says.

"We'll come up with something," the first says.  "It'll be fine.  We'll need a couple of truly unlandish, unlikely candidates, so unbelievable that it'll sound like the truth."

"Jedi," the second says.

"Rogue freighter captains!" the third says.  "I like pirates, okay?"

"Yes, yes..." the first says.  "You see?  It's all coming together now.  They rescued you.  There was a dramatic final assault.  One of these others was actually the one responsible."

"Certainly not a celebrity figure," the second says.

"Certainly not!" the third says.

"Everyone wins," the first says.

"What about me?" Leia asks.

"You will still be the representative on record for concluding the peace talks," the second says.

"Yeah, and what if you also happened to fall in love with the pirate?" the third says.  "Everyone loves a good romance!"

"I have a bad feeling about this..." Leia says.