Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Adventures of Kentucky Joe in Space!

One day Kentucky Joe was milking his cow Bessie, and the next, he was hurtling through space!

If he'd ever taken a close look at Bessie, he would have noticed that she was no ordinary cow. The fact is, however, that Kentucky Joe was always much like anyone else, in that he expected life to be pretty much to be a fairly predictable affair, and in fact it was, except it was predictable in all the ways he'd never even suspected.

Bessie was a cow, all right, but she was a cow from the distant reaches of the universe!

Stranded on Earth after a recon mission to find the lost dictator of the galaxy, Bessie settled into existence producing milk and munching on grass for years, waiting for the moment when she could exact her revenge on Kentucky Joe, who continued to baffle her in his inability to recognize anything past his own immediate airspace.

The moment finally came when a meteor streaked across the night sky one summer evening and struck Kentucky Joe clean on his head, knocking him unconscious for several minutes.

When he awoke, Kentucky Joe was inside a capsule barely large enough to contain him, with no perceptible propulsion system but a rocket seemingly pushing him along to some unknown destination.

He'd never seen the stars like this!

Also, his head was still spinning, and he suspected that he was suffering from a hangover, except he hadn't had a drink since high school graduation, when Susie May had rejected his marriage proposal on the grounds that, in all possible ironies, his father's farm had never had a cow in its pastures.

After a few minutes, Kentucky Joe was able to focus long enough to see that his ship was entering a wormhole, where he was startled to see an actual worm, or at least that's what he assumed it to be. He closed his eyes before he could give it much thought.

Kentucky Joe next felt a considerable shudder below the craft, the hatch popped open, and he tumbled out onto a surface that didn't seem to have enough gravity to keep him tethered. he floated for several minutes and saw what he took to be massive cucumbers, except they were waving at him. He blacked out again for a few minutes, and then saw a statue staring at him that looked remarkably like Bessie.

"Wooey!" was all Kentucky Joe could think to say.

And that's when things really got interesting.

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