Monday, September 22, 2014

101 Star Wars Variations 60: No Days Later

One Stormtrooper says to another, "Hey, did you hear about Darth Vader?"

The other replies, "What, you believe in that myth?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he doesn't exist.  Vader isn't real.  He's just a bogeyman people far above our pay grade made up.  Imperial propaganda."

"Impossible!" the first Stormtrooper says.

"Hey, believe in fairy tales if you want," the second one says.  "I'm telling you, do the research.  Ask around.  You'll come around to the truth."

"You're bullshitting me," the first one says.

"Let me guess," the second one says, "the big bad Darth Vader was one of the selling points for you when you originally signed up for this gig.  Growing up, you heard about all the great adventures he went on, the victories, the powers, the ruthlessness, the energy blade."


"Of course," the second one says.  "Exactly.  A long time ago, two Jedi, when there still were Jedi, fought each other.  One killed the other.  The victim was being groomed as the right-hand man of the Emperor.  Stands to reason that anyone picked for such an honor was hard to forget.  So he was kept alive, figuratively speaking.  Oh, the costume is real.  I'm friends with three people that I know of who got to wear it.  That's not even how I know the truth about him.  You recruits.  You'll believe anything.  But I guess that's how it's got to be."

"...But did you hear about his latest adventure?"


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