Wednesday, July 9, 2014

101 Star Wars Variations 27: Yoda was a Bad, Bad Man

She's running ahead of you, more eager than you've ever seen her.  It only figures though, since she's waited all her life for this moment, finally visiting the shrine of the greatest Sith who ever lived, Darth Sidious.

"This is it!" Elsie practically giggles, too excited to be out of breath.  Nothing else exists for her.  She's crackling with energy, sparks shooting out of all her fingers like guiding strips for you to follow.

"Calm down," you hasten to suggest.  "It's not going anywhere.  It's been here for thousands of years.  It can wait a few more seconds."

"Darth Sidious," Elsie says.  "The man himself.  Yoda."

When she first came to you with her wild theory, naturally you didn't believe her.  History says what it says, after all.  Yoda is remembered as the greatest Jedi, not the greatest Sith.  He all but sacrificed himself so that the Jedi could prevail in the struggle they would still lose, in time.  Sith have patience.  That was what first interested you in them, after all, their deliberate, analytic approach.

Then she outlined her theory, how Yoda framed Palpatine, used their long rivalry to his advantage, manipulated the admittedly ambitious politician into usurping power, his own interest in Sith lore used against him.

Here at last you will have the proof you need, here the last resting place of the great man himself.  To think you used to believe such preposterous myths as all the good little Jedi fading into the Force itself...!  The things we'll believe, right?

Her hands have gone silent, as it were.  "Aim your light this way!" she chimes.  "I want to see exactly what I'm doing."

She produces her lightsaber, opens its blade and plunges it into the ground.  Within moments she withdraws it and draws the necessary remains from it with her mind.  You pull your device from your belt and together you wait for the analysis.

"Exciting!" she says redundantly.  You always loved her, but Elsie does tend to state the obvious.

The device beeps.  You both look down at its display screen together.

It's a good day to be a Sith.

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